"Mother of Creation" Excerpt

As per request from Rob, I will now post a portion of the sword fight bit I wrote a few days ago. This part is written from the perspective of the sort of main character Liana, who is a princess in exile following a coup organized by her uncle, and also, as per her station, the scion of their sun god, Herkun.

In any case, here goes. I will consider commenting on this later, depending on what anyone may deign to say. I am, of course, always interested in critique. Thanks in advance!

P.S. One of my friends read this and was basically like: "What the hell is going on and who are all these people?" In the book obviously there is all sorts of explanation, and you have to keep in mind as well that this scene is also about at third of the way through the as-yet-incomplete manuscript. However, brief character bios follow.

Liana is the crown princess of Herkunsland, scion of the sun god.
Liander is her twin brother, who escaped exile with her following a coup conducted by their uncle.
Jei is their half-brother, who was conceived when their father was seduced by the moon goddess Herka, who he knows as Ma'alu. He is the one who helped the twins escape Herkunsland.

At the beginning of this scene, Jei's village is being invaded by a neighboring village, the Quet'le-Ma. I would provide more information than this but it might just get confusing. This is an epic fantasy piece, and while Liana is the catalyst of all that happens, there are five viewpoint characters in total.

Liana stepped from house to house, and at each flaming roof she reached to the answering fire within her and pulled. The energy of the flame rushed into her, flushing her with heat she sorely needed, for in her haste she had not donned nearly enough clothing, though the night was warm with burning. The strange grief that emanated from somewhere within her had left her eyes weeping since first she had struck with her blade, killing a youth with only a handful of bells in his hair. She fought to overcome it, but the best that she could manage was to shove it to one side while she continued from house to house, even as it grew stronger and stronger, threatening to drown her.

"Liana," her twin said, his hand on her shoulder as she waivered slightly before a house which was already lost, "leave this one." She stared at him for a moment through blurring eyes, blinking to clear her vision as sudden fatigue filled her. She shook it off, straightening.

"It's too dangerous," she told him, though her voice sounded thin even to her. "The fire will spread." As if to mark her words, a great ember caught on the wind, striking the dry winter grass nearby and began to smolder. Liana reached down and out, and the fire rushed into her, filling her. She turned back to Liander, and as if in a dream saw a blade rising behind him.

Without thinking, she grabbed his forearm and pivoted, pulling from her hip. Off balance, he swung behind her, and she caught the falling blade on her own, feeling her knees begin to buckle even as Liander used their mutual grip to pull her backwards. A knife blade flashed where her stomach would have been and she felt fear well up with the grief for the first time as she tumbled to the ground. A strange thought filled her in that moment of weightlessness that perhaps these feelings were not hers. Impact with the earth shook it from her, even as a shape stepped in front of her. She started backward awkwardly as Jei's form came into focus. Such was her fatigue that despite her adrenaline, she could barely force herself to stand. It was as if she had run for miles, or had not slept for days. Blackness tugged at the edges of her vision, and her head spun before she righted herself, breathing in a deep lungful of the smoke-laden air to regain her focus. Her fingers were numb about her sword, the light saber her father had given her. The women of Perlen trained in this sort of sword-work, he had told her, and her grip tightened beneath the guard. If that was the case, she had a whole line of ancestors that she could not fail now. The honor of her mother's family was at stake.

"So you're the one swallowing the fires," came an unfamiliar voice behind her, and an unfamiliar tongue as well, though it sounded somewhat like that of the villagers. Both Jei and Liander were already fighting, and she whirled, bringing her blade up against the attack she knew was coming. The strike, a slow sweep, caught on her blade and knocked her back. She staggered, blinking her eyes to clear them. It seemed that the tears had at last stopped, at least, though the fatigue of her body was now being offset by a fear that seemed somehow separate from her, returning clarity to the moment even as she fought to control it. She didn't waste energy trying to reply to him, trying to ask him anything. There wasn't any point. She simply braced herself, waiting for his next attack, and when it came she turned it aside with a smooth motion, feeling his sword slide from the guard as she stepped past his reach. He retreated sharply, and she advanced, thrusting. He knocked her blade aside, leaving her open, and she danced out of his way, feeling her movements drag. The edge of his short sword passed so close to her face that she could feel the breath of its passage, cold as death. She sliced across, her movements sloppy, and it was his turn to retreat, a grin twisting his features. His bells flickered in the last of the flames, and she wondered if she would die this time. The fear inside her grew stronger, threatening to overcome her. Unthinking, she pressed her palm to her womb, willing safety and love to the child that might soon die with her. The warrior’s eyes widened, and for the first time, he seemed to truly look at her eyes. A sudden snarl twisted his features.

“Sun-mother,” he growled, striking forward with renewed ferocity, knocking her blade from her hands. She watched it skitter away in despair as the man backed her towards the gutted frame of the building she had just put out. The clanging of swords still sounded from somewhere nearby, and she thought she heard someone shout her name. The cool, tacky-wet flat of the advancing man’s blade pressed to the side of her throat, and to her surprise he sheathed his dagger, grabbing her wrist.

“You will come with me. With you, Ma’le will accept us once more.” His words meant nothing to her, but it did not matter. A small form appeared from the smoke and shadows behind him, and he stiffened, his sword tangling in her shirt for a moment before cutting free and clattering to the ground beside him.